the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
