I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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