i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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