I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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