she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
