my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
