Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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