I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
