wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
