Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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