My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
