My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
