Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
