he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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