made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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