Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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