I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
third nipple confirmed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
