Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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