Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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