either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
