if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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