she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
