Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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