i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
