Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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