I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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