all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
