You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
