saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
