You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
