Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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