i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
