You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
