Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im six kinds of drunk right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
