I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
