Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
