Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
