did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
