I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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