brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
