Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
