Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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