I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
