Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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