Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
