New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
