Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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