There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
