Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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