Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
