True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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