I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
