you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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