I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
