Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
