dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
