I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
