Say something about gay babies.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
