I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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