i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dick very happy bro
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
